“Hank, why don’t you find a place to sit and I’ll get us some coffee.”
Mary doesn’t wait another second for an answer and waddles her flabby body steadfast to the counter.
Her boyish brown haircut matches her practical beige coat and the nice and comfortable walking shoes. For the ‘’I’m actually still a little crazy, you know”-feeling, Marie had a red frame measured a week ago, which is now the shiny eye-catcher on her otherwise colorless face.
Halfway there, Marie suddenly turns around.
“No, Hank, not like that! When you lift a chair, grab it with both hands, not just one. Otherwise you’ll throw your back out again, watch out.”
Apparently Hank has never lifted a chair in all his life.
A little later, Mary returns with the coffee and two ham sandwiches.
“But I don’t like ham,” Hank protests weakly.
“Well they were on offer, so stop your whining.”
“So, here we are,” Mary sighs. “How nice.”
“May I go to the toilet before we go see the monkeys?” Hank asks.
“I think so, Hank, that should be fine. Will you please not forget your zipper…… “
Filled with secondhand embarrassment, I listen to the couple next to me at the zoo. Embarrassed because from the outside the cringeworthy dynamics and crazy patterns of power are so enormously clear.
But also with embarrassment because I sometimes behave like a Mary to my Hank.
Oh my, oh my, none of us want to act like our parents when we’re in a relationship ourselves, but I bet many of us sometimes find ourselves in such a Hank/Mary pattern as…. well, uhm…. as Hank and Mary do. Or am I the only one? That’s possible too, of course.
Those patterns are bloody persistent, even if you want to change it. Being less pushy, or less stressful or taking more initiatives… When you’re in the middle of it all, it’s hard to know which string to pull.
And this is especially true for a team. Even more Hanks and Mary’s together, pfff. Even more patterns all tangled up.
How nice it’d be if someone came to untangle things. So that you can face your ‘partners in crime’ again. So you can work together again without any assumptions, persistent patterns and fuss.
Take a look here https://www.deteamcoach.nl/teamcoaching/ and if there’s something you recognize….
Call me at 06-41335608 or send an email to email@example.com. And I’d love to come by, without any fuss, without an invoice but with ham sandwiches, because they were on sale.